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Why Is My Poop Green?

Don’t let the title turn you off – this is going to be one hilarious post that has nothing to do with my poop. Yesterday afternoon, one of my local friends (my programmer, actually) tweeted a link to a story that compelled me to click it to read. I not only read it, I coughed up a lung. Now, I know I think I’m all this and that with my writing style and abilities (within reason), but this was beyond being abnormally good stuff.

When it came time for my evening treatments, I hunkered down with my iPhone’s tiny screen and started from today’s post and worked my way back. By the time I’d reached the end of May, I’d finished my treatments, filled several tissues with goop, and even made a mess of my shorts when I didn’t have a tissue ready.

Yes, it was that funny to me.

So, when Beautiful came downstairs after writing her post for the day, I tried to pick one of the stories that was both short enough to hold her interest and not so crude that she made me stop. I let her know that she has her “mommy blogs” that she reads and I finally found a “dad blog” that I was as addicted to as we were with PeopleofWalmart.com when we discovered it. I couldn’t really come up with any examples after just reading nearly 20 posts, but assured her that it was doing me good.

We discussed the topics and amount of material others come up with and concluded it’s because they have KIDS. It’s like having an endless source of comedy, drama, and tragedy at your fingertips.

Here’s where the title comes into play

When we rolled into bed, exhausted (still) from our road trip, she said she’d like to read some of the things that were so funny. I’d reached the site through Twitter, which I’d cleared out to view my stream again, so I had to Google for that post, so I started with the website name with “Why is.”

Why is my poop greenIt was at this point that I started coughing and laughing uncontrollably again. I had to sit up and finish my outburst, even. I flopped back down and showed the screen to her. Google had many guesses to finish my phrase, beginning with “why is my poop green” and it was just too much for me to handle. I’ve heard of some funny Google guesses before, but this one grabbed both lungs, ripped them out of my chest, and shook them for a minute.

After finishing the query, I found the exact post I was looking for. She read the whole post without even cracking a smile. Huh!? “What is wrong with you?” I wondered. Alright, there’s no way she won’t find the post that I read first, the one from my friend, hysterical.

I’ve been known to be wrong – a couple of times in my life – and this was a time where I was wrong. Again, nothing funny at all in that post.

Regardless of whether anyone else finds it funny or not, it was a better treatment for me than my Vest an aerosols combined, so I’m going to keep it up “for health reasons.” This is the sort of thing that Larry the Cable Guy says, “I don’t care who you are, that’s funny!” to… except most likely my entire immediate family, leaving me all alone in my humor zone.

I can’t leave it there, though. I have to know which of my friends find this funnier than green poop, but my putting this link below comes with a caveat and two pure warnings.

Caveat: this is written by a guy, clearly mainly for guys, so it’s possible many women won’t like it, but many housewives comment.

Warning 1: there is adult language, so if you mute movies when you know a cuss word is coming up and plug your fingers in your ears around construction workers, please, skip it.

Warning 2: you may become addicted.

Ok, now if you read this, you are obligated to let me know what you think of it in the comments so I know if I’m going nuts or if it’s just that I worked in construction too long.

The site: Why Is Daddy Crying?
The post: The Boy Drops The F-Bomb

Okay… I just made your day, now make mine. What did you think?

Comments

  1. rburkhalter30 says:

    The things that have come out of both my girls mouths pale in comparison to this. This however was hilarious! Shelby in 1st grade said to her teacher “Well s**t. I guess I’ll have to do what the old bird tells me to.” We have no idea where she heard that statement, because it was not something either one of us had ever said. Her teacher after she stifled her laugh sent her to the principal and then called me that afternoon to let me know what had happened.

    • Jesse Petersen says:

      @rburkhalter30 That’s priceless… in context of one’s life. For me, the parents’ reaction looking to each other about what to do was the best, shortly followed by the last paragraph.

      The next time we meet, we can share kid cussing stories, because we’ve been guaranteed to hear and be called everything under the sun with foster kids. I’m so looking forward to it.

  2. jerrymildred says:

    I guess, if you’re going to drop the f-bomb, that’s as good a target as any. LOL! I’m amazed the parents didn’t just fall apart laughing. Why can’t I remember you ever doing anything that outrageous. One of my favorites was the picture you made in (I think) 1st grade. At the bottom, you signed it, “from your son, Jesse.” Just in case I either forgot your name or our relationship. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Not only did I read and enjoy…I am addicted. ๐Ÿ™‚ And I laughed so hard I woke up the little man.

    • Jesse Petersen says:

      @AmyWynn So glad I’ve found you a new addiction. Probably more geared towards Big Man if he reads blogs, eh? Oh, bad idea. A swerving ambulance with rioting EMTs is not a good idea!