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Fostering and the Lonely Road of Pre-placement

Today is a bit of a raw post about the fostering process. Raw emotions and some brain dump to cope and move on with my day rather than mulling over these feelings for hours. Forgive me if this sounds rude or ungrateful for the good things that have happened. They’ve happened, but this feeling persists.

Lonely RoadThis is the oddest I’ve felt for as long as I can remember. Planning to have kids is supposed to feel exciting (and it does), not lonely and misunderstood (but it does). I can’t exactly put a finger on it, but there is a great divide between how people act/react to announcing that you’re expecting and announcing that you’re adopting or fostering.

People have asked “what kid is waiting for you?” What, you mean the one being abused and neglected is staying at home until we get licensed to care for them? Darn, we should have gotten ready sooner. Sorry kiddo.

People have hinted that Beautiful’s clock is ticking because she’s holding or even looking at a baby. Hello!? You’ve known me for almost 2 decades and don’t know that guys with CF can’t have kids without invasive needling? Maybe those are the people who aren’t surprised I’m still around.

All of that to say that we don’t mind questions about the process because we sure had questions when we started the process. I know the process has taken a long time, but unlike pregnancy where you have an expected timeframe to prepare, we are dealing with the government here. They get all up into your business to protect any children placed with us and take forever (our call to schedule fingerprinting was 5 days ago with no call-back). They won’t approve you until your house is safe for ages 0-18 all at the same time. They won’t approve you if you just averaged 80% of your monthly expenses for two months, never mind that the next month you made 300% of your expenses. We’re ready to move and moving as fast as Beautiful’s doctor, the fingerprint scheduler, and babysitter background checks (yes, background checks on babysitters take 30 days) can go.

So darn it! Can people be a little more excited about this here fun time so we don’t feel so alone?

We’re expecting!

Hey, foster parents! Is it just us or did you feel this way, too?

Comments

  1. Can see (and feel) where you’re coming from. Fostering and adopting is definitely viewed differently than pregnancy. Praying for God’s peace in your lives as you wait.

  2. Colleen Hunt says:

    I have CF and my husband and I are also trying to adopt a foster child.  We are done with all the interviews, classes, and application.  Now we are waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  The hard parts:  the agency doesn’t like us because we both work and will most likely result in us not being placed.  Ever.   When we tell people we want to adopt a foster child they feel this need to tell us about a family with a foster child who is like the worse child in the world. This has happened numerous times.  I can’t have a conversation with anyone anymore without them saying “you will see when you have kids.”  I continue to be judged for being a married, 30-something without kids. 

    I could go on, but I think you can see that I can totally relate to this post.  

    • Totally! 30+ and married 5+ years makes for very odd people without kids. Everyone at church is popping out kids left and right. It’s easy to smile and be happy for them, but hard to do it all of the time when we’ve been “waiting” 5 years of preparing to make enough for Beautiful to stay home and then waiting to make enough that we will pass the paperwork inspection.
      So you’re in the position to adopt if foster parents decide they aren’t a good match for their foster child who has just been TPR’d? If I’m reading that correctly, yeah, that’s a rough place to be to have to wait so long. They told us that once we’re licensed to foster, they already have a child who was just picked up ready to come over, so it’s a wait, wait, wait, go, freak out.

      How long have you been waiting, then?

      • Colleen Hunt says:

        We have actually only been waiting 4 months.  But since we are open to adopting an older child, I guess I had it in my mind that it would happen right away.  Looking forward to more updates from you. 

        • Yeah, we were told (during the pre-1st MAPP class time when we were doing adoption) that does decrease the wait time. I, too, look forward to updates from you.

  3. Well, I’m sure excited for you guys. But you already knew that. If it’s any help, people here ask me sometimes how the fostering prep is going for you. How ’bout that? You have fans you’ve never met pulling for you in another country! 😉