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Almost at a Loss for Words

This is it. The end.

No, not for me or for this site. You see, my grandpa was looking forward to going to the county fair over Labor Day weekend. He was fine on the Thursday before and alarmingly ill on Labor Day. We got texts later in the week from my aunt that it was time to make arrangements for family to come.

Beautiful and I were just there with Boy in July. The end of July. He was fine! Slowing down – a little hard to see that, but he is 82 – but far, far better than he was last October.

Ivan Sipes - July, 2012

In October, we said our “goodbyes” to him thinking that we wouldn’t see him again. When we left in July, we did a more casual, quick, “see you later” farewell as we loaded up the car.

That is how I’ll remember him.

We decided last year when we traveled to Ohio twice to see/care for him that we didn’t want our last memories of him to be sick, dying in bed, just waiting for the end to come. That is what everyone who is there now is witnessing. Blood pressure has dropped below mine, respirations down to 7 per minute, and unresponsive. This is the end. We were there so often when he was well and when he needed us that we feel like we are preserving his legacy better in our hearts and minds, guilt-free of not being there now, and I know he’s fine with that.

Just fine.

(5 minute break for composure)

We’ll remember him (1 minute break for composure) as the Grandpa who was on the Deere while Grandma followed behind picking up all of the limbs from the “land hurricane” that blew through central Ohio in July. They were outside for hours at a time, just like he was a few years ago.

He will likely slip off into the presence of his Father sometime tonight or tomorrow and we’ll be crying and happy for him at the same time. No more pain. No more suffering. He’s finished his race and he ran it well. I know no more honorable, kind, loving, forgiving person of all the people I know or know of.

The world is losing one of its greatest.

We’ll get a court order to take Boy to his previous caregiver on the way so we can grieve when we get there. The court order means we’ll probably leave Monday or Tuesday night and arrive in Ohio about 24 hours later.

I’ll write more later… when my thoughts are clear again. There will probably be more news then, too.

Update

I am now at a loss for words – good thing I wrote this last night but hadn’t found the photo yet.

We got word around 6am this morning that he slipped away peacefully. It is done. My hero has left the building.

Comments

  1. Praying for you, Jesse. May God’s comfort and peace be yours in abundance as you grieve the loss of your grandpa. 

  2. Kristi Bowers says:

    I am sorry for your loss. So difficult. I am glad you have great memories of him and were able to go this summer and introduce Boy. That is the age of my grandmother, my grandpa in 91. Everytime we see them in Cali, I say goodbye, hoping it is not the last time. Praying for your family.

  3. Megan Murray says:

    Jesse, I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to your family, and please know that I will be keeping you all in my prayers. Your post was beautiful about your Grandpa’s memory. I hope you find peace and comfort in God and in family over the next days and weeks. 

  4. It’s never easy to lose someone you love so much. I’ve been there too. Praying for your understanding of God’s purpose and for healing of your hurting heart.

  5. I am so sorry for your loss Jesse. I will be praying for you and your family.

  6. Well said, Jesse. Glad you’re going to be able to come to Ohio to join us.

  7. “Left the building.” A perfect description. Well said. Now he’s in a new and improved building. 😉

  8. I pray we all finish the race as well and with as much integrity… you’re all in my prayers for peace, strength, and comfort.  –Arnie

  9. Lauramagsamen says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Jesse!  Sending prayers for you and your family!

  10. Thanks, everyone. Trying to leave tonight, but nothing is easy when you have to deal with “the system.” It’s almost 1pm and not looking good so far. Writing a post now.

  11. MiddleAgedLady says:

    What a wonderful tribute to your grandfather. I’m so sorry for your loss.