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Time to Take a Real Vacation

West Bay BeachLife is getting to me. Life, not as in just the hum-drum of living life like an ant in an ant farm, but life as a soldier doing battle every day against all odds when it seems like every force that can be mustered against us has been. We are ready for a break. Ready for a reprieve.

We’ve discussed my workaholism on the site before and how its driven by a deep sense of duty to provide for us, even in the event of a catastrophe, so I feel like I’m working against a clock with an unknown buzzer. None of us knows when our or THE buzzer is going to sound, but for me, I know my work is not done. But…

I can’t do that if I’m worn out, and I’m worn to a nub right now.

We’ve been trying to meet with our long-time friends who have been our marriage mentors since we just got married, 4 1/2 years ago now, but this and that kept postponing our time together. We finally got to sit down with them last night and get some much-needed encouragement. I don’t know what it is about hearing it from others with more perspective due to longer years “in service,” but it was what I needed to hear as the man bearing all of this weight.

I heard that rallying Beautiful home from her awful job when we did was a calculated act of love for her, far more than a foolish move that left us in worse financial standing that I had figured in countless math scenarios in my head over the previous 6 months. I heard that we have come down from a mountaintop experience this Spring and now we are in the valley, but the valley is where you truly become strong.

I don’t like the valley. I don’t like it at all. I don’t like the person I am sometimes while in the valley, nor am I as liked when I’m here.

After every valley, though, is what? Another mountaintop! We are about to do great things, bold things, things I could not have imagined for ourselves when we were planning on getting married, and I will not cower in fear of failure any longer. Those attacks will not work on my psyche any longer because they are not the message from my Father.

I have the world’s best cheerleader who believes in me, in what I’m doing, in what I’m capable of, and as a man who always does his best to make sure everything is alright. Not everyone has someone like that in their corner, so I am blessed. Now we have the opportunity to go to California for an entire week to celebrate a Master’s graduation, show me where everyone grew up, and spend some time at a resort recharging our batteries.

I will only do things that are fun (aside from my non-fun treatments) or vitally urgent for the running of the business, and even then only when it is not a distraction or inconvenience to others so that we can all enjoy our time. As exciting as Chicago was for me, it only ramped me up more until I hit total burn-out and I’ve lost my center.

I’m going to come back different.