I half-joked a little while ago about how mad I’d be if I add someone to my blogroll and they kick off – because I don’t handle death well. I know I don’t, but the reason is a bit strange and indecipherable exactly why.
Death has surrounded me, yet evaded me my whole life. It’s been in my immediate family with my sister, but I was too young to remember. It’s been in my surrounding family, but people I wasn’t really attached to. I’ve spent countless hours in the funeral home growing up as my grandparents’ siblings passed through.
Aside from that, there have only been two people close to me who have died. One in a car accident and one after 2-3 years fighting multiple myeloma. I think the accident was harder. He was 3 years younger than me and had just gotten engaged. The memorial service was literally gut-wrenching. Our church was packed with everyone, including full fireman detail since he was a volunteer fireman. There was no preparation for his death, he was in the prime of his life in perfect condition, and then he was gone.
Now that I’ve started this site, I’ve exposed myself to a high-risk population. Death was one reason I had insulated myself from CF people. I don’t like to lose things, especially people. I find it hard to make friends, so it’s a big investment of time and emotions for me to put myself out there. [Read more…]